Cat Nouveau

Don’t love anyone now and probably wont again. 

Just keeping a record

Because sometimes I forget…

But even through the others

That may come and go…

You’re my rock. 

I still love you.

I don’t know if I’ll stop…

But I still look at pictures…

And I see your face.

And I miss you.

Anonymous asked: are you going to the beatles: the lost concert" movie when it comes out next month?

honestly I had no idea that there was such a thing.

Lol. I still love you. 

Listening to love songs, and I’m crying again. I’m never good enough. Sorry, “skinny love”. I don’t think I’ll “find my way back into love.”  I thought you were “the only exception,” my “first love.” And “when you’re gone” I still think you’re “the one and only.” But it cant work. Not since you said those words. Not since you said “and I love her.” I’m holding out “for no one,” but “I want you to want me.” You sent me “postcards from far away,” but I threw them out.  Ripped into a million “pieces” in my waste bin. When I kissed you, I thought of “the rhythm of love,” because “all I want is you.” And I want to just tell you to “kiss me,” because the “distance” hurts, with you in Illinois and me here… but I hope I’m “gonna get over you,” even if I think “you belong with me.”  And I look outside the window and see “it’s raining again.” And I realize that our first kiss was our “last kiss,” even though you still “hold my heart”… “forever and always.”

Experiencing life.
Hard, shitty life.
I can only hope that what they say is true,
And that good things really do come
to those who wait.

In ‘85, Tuesday morning, came alive, I didn’t know ya. Route 66 is gone, and Reagan’s here, it won’t be long.

Nintendo comes, live aid too, back to the future where we’re you, while I spent all my days in catholic school?

No more countin’ down the hours. No more wishin’ you were here. I stopped believin’ … Maybe this’ll be my year.

2004, began in may, on tour when I met ya. … I met your family. It took a while until you kissed me, but when you did, I finally felt at home.

2012, and all I know is everybody comes and goes. Everybody sings and cries, makes the grade and takes the prize. In something, nothing, I don’t care, because I always know that you’ll be here with me.

Maybe I fall way too fast or maybe I never quite got it before but… every time I think about him I’m smiling. I wanna wake up next to him every morning and have him kiss my back like he did that day… and each of my fingers… 

Maybe I fall way too fast or maybe I was just waiting for this guy. He cries when I cry and is romantic. He cooks me dinners and asks me on romantic dates. He takes me for walks and we just keep talking. We talk until he stops walking and I get pulled back by our connected, intertwined hands. And he just looks at me and I just walk to him and he kisses me. A short kiss. Just because he loves me too. Just because.

Maybe I used to fall way too fast and maybe I still do.  But this time it’s real. I’m in love with a boy named David. He makes me laugh when I’m about to cry.  He puts up with my excessive worrying and thinks it’s cute. He loves me for who I am and I’m myself around him.  I used to fall too fast… but now I know it wasn’t love I was falling into. I don’t know what it was but this… right now… this is real. I can tell.

One day soon, I’m going to fall apart. Not like last time. Not like when those boys crushed me. Used me. One day soon I will really fall apart. And when that happens do you really think the times you put me back together will matter? No. One day soon…

Soon, you wont recognize me. Soon the hurt that you’ve done to unto me, with your words… they’ll show on my face. Because the hurt you’ve done to my heart, I promise, is irreparable. I’m already fractured… broken. Just waiting for the final piece to crack and my entirety to fall apart. If it weren’t for David right now… I don’t even want to think about it.

In the near future, sooner than you even realize, it may be too late to say you’re sorry. I’m a forgiving person. You know I am. One apology. That’s all I really ask for - all I ever asked for.

I really miss how things used to be. The ignorance I had towards how you treated me. Ignorance is in fact bliss.  Soon, unless things get better. Soon.

Until then I sit, and I wait. I wait for that last crack until I fall apart. And I hope… as I’ve never hoped before. I hope that this year of miserable futility and wasted efforts comes to an end before that last crack… so maybe I can put myself back together a bit again before the next crack happens… sometime in the future… and then maybe… maybe I have a chance at staying together.

I can’t ever be with anyone I love… because if I am… and then it ends… I lose them.